It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
