my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
