Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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