Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize