you turned your livingroom into a bong?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
