I hate your face
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Screwed.edu
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
