Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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