You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
