You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
