Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
