I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
