best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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