I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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