I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
i out mim tonsoeep
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
