I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
