Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
