Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
