I just threw up on my dentist
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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