He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think a kid would responsible me up
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
