omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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