so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
