i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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