Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
