You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i think i have herpe
just one?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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