Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
