Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
