Having a random hookup so left but love u
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
