She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I think i got beer on your cat.
tell me about the fingering
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