Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
