he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I want her autograph on my taint
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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