wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
