If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
In other news, I just burned my penis
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
