Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
