this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
