She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
