Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
