i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
