is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
