just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
