Apparently you make a good broom.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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