Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
