He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
