just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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