he wants to bone in the snuggie
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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