Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
