She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
