Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Can Purell be used as lube?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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