Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
