Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
