Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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