he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
