I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
