We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
