I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We are two peas in an std pod
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
