i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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