it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
