everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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