We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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