If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
