Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
